Welcome to a new feature here at The World of Wombat, "I'm better than," in which I attempt to show how celebrity and acclaim is not all it's cracked up to be. This I will do by offering evidence that I am superior to a particular well-known person.
The first subject, Brad Pitt, was an obvious pick, since so many people compare me to him. For one thing, we share the same first name. For another,... um,... we, uh, share the same first name.
Let the battle begin!
1. Brad Pitt has appeared in many movies and TV shows. I have seen many movies and TV shows.
Advantage: Me. Sure, appearing in movies and shows pays better. Much better, in fact. The guy is loaded with money. I mean, mucho dinero... I'm sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah. But seeing the movies and shows is much less work. And often involves popcorn.
2. Brad Pitt does have that money thing going for him. I'm sitting here writing to a blog that maybe a dozen people read. In a good month.
Advantage: Brad Pitt. Hey, I have to throw the guy a bone so he doesn't think his life is totally inferior. I'd hate to be responsible for making him suicidal.
3. If I were to sit on Brad Pitt, I'd crush him. If he were to sit on me, I doubt I'd even notice.
Advantage: Me. While the chances of either of us ever meeting, much less sitting on, each other is slim to none, at least I have nothing to fear from the encounter.
4. One of us is married to a very beautiful and talented woman. The other is married to Angelina Jolie.
Advantage: Me. What am I -- stupid???
So you see, by a margin of 3 to 1, I am better than Brad Pitt. That was easy.
If there is a celebrity or prominent person, from any field of endeavor, that you would like to see me compared to in future columns, please feel free to post a comment below.
I may or may not be better than Humor-blogs.com.