Thursday, January 31, 2008

Does that casket come with tartar sauce?

I'm probably going to pay for revealing this, but one never-diminishing source of humor for me and my family is... a funeral home.

That's right, a funeral home. We pass by it every time we go to visit my in-laws, and the morbid jokes just haven't stopped flowing. And we've been passing by it for years.

What's so funny about a funeral home, you ask, Wombat, you sick marsupial?

Oh, it's not just any funeral home. This one used to be a Red Lobster.

I mean, it's obvious, even if we hadn't been in the area long enough to remember when it was a Red Lobster. Oh, they've repainted the roof so it's no longer the old trademark rust color, but it still has the same shape, the same windows, the same carport as the older-style Red Lobster. Check it out:And if you've got the same twisted sense of humor as me and my family, you can imagine the awful jokes that flow from imagining some sick restaurant/funeral home hybrid:
  • Instead of choosing between cremation or burial, they offer "smoking" or "non-smoking."
  • "Here's a pager -- it will flash and vibrate when we're ready to seat you."
  • "Service for Johnson? Hmmm... Did you make a reservation?"
  • "For parties with more than six pallbearers, an 18% gratuity will be added."
  • "Pardon the interruption, minister... but Ted here is celebrating a birthday today! Happy, happy birthday, from all of us to you..."
  • "Yes, we offer cremation services, but we prefer the term 'blackened.'"
  • ...and one that always makes us laugh for some reason, "Would you like drawn butter with that?"
Okay, I'll stop now, but feel free to contribute more in the comments section, and I'll use them the next time we drive by the place.

--- will make you die laughing. With tartar sauce.


Diesel said...

That's really funny. The chapel where I went to college looked just like a Pizza Hut. There were a lot of jokes about that too.

Qelqoth said...

Johnson service in a restaurant?

That's it - I'm moving to America.